Wednesday, December 26, 2007


Here is a series of sun rise pic i took in Penang early in the morning. This is taken in Tg Tokong.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Oriental delight

At first, i was not that keen of participating in my family's trip to Hong Kong and Shenzen. I was on protest at first for my parent's refusal of letting me go for a humanitarian trip to Vietnam. they came up with excuses which i see as unrelevant at all; malaria threat, instability, etc.. etc.. So, not wanting to be a child who bite the hands which feed me, i complied and decided on joining them on the trip. At frst, i thought that this holiday will never come close to the excitement of my homestay trip in Nagoya and Tokyo.But as i stepped on Hong Kong's soil, with the mild winter weather bearing great resemblence with the temperature of Cameron highlands in the night, i must say that i took back my words.

From what i see, HK is like the Asia's version of the big apple; the infamous traffic jams, sky scrappers, and a stream of people rushing from one place to another. Frankly speaking, Hong kong people are not that very friendly and your simple 'hello' to them ussually are not replied. Similar with Japan, they speak very little English, and if they do, they have those tones and ascent like those of Russel Peters contoversial racist jokes. (Super damn funny!) And the standard of living there is quite high. lets say for ur simple 'ma sya' or green tea, it will cost u around HK$ 12.00 (equivallent to 6rm).

In travel, i am not those stereotypical type of person who heads off to theme parks or so called 'famous tourist sights' in a group. I prefer travelling alone, making friends with the natives, learning and trying out new cultures. Rather travelling in groups, i rather have a map or a gprs in my hand, get to know a few natives, and follow where my legs and instincts lead me. For me, this is the true backpacking cum travelling cum learning experience. A day after arriving in Hong Kong, after a tour trip, i brought along my pouch with camera, a map, and a bottle of mineral water, and just wonder off nowhere. I came across a lot of 'interesting' places where u can find in Malaysia; table-dancing with topless girls club, mamak stall in HK, I-Phone for 600rm, a newly wedded couple, in their wedding attire, taking pictures in the middle of the busy roads of HK, and a group of Muslims, going to the mosque for prayers.

Then, on our third day, we shoot of to Shen Zen by train. I had this utterly strange feelinh when we reached there; it is hard to believe that China is still in the communist block considering there are a lot of non-chinese influences that could be seen all over Shen Zen. It was hard to unnotice the gigantic factories and indusries which could be found there. No wonder that China has turned out to be the next economic super power surpassing Uncle Sam, with a GDP of a staggering 11%. i was told that Shen Zen is is also known as the 'Tounge of Immigrants' as 95% of the population there are people from outside Shen Zen. With it labour intensiive industries, a large portion of the inhibitants are working in factories. And it is also mind blowing to know that 20 years ago, this huge city , with its numerous skycrappers(as huge as New York or Chicago, seriusly!) was once just a small agriculture village.

Tourists who come here have only one thing in mind when they come to Shen Zen; shopping. When i say shopping, people literally 'shop till they drop!'. Its true. There is this one place called Dongmen market which has been the Mecca for people who are on the hunt for 'Prada' handbags, 'Gucci' shoes, 'Burbery' tranch coat, and you can get them as low as 40 HK$(20rm), given that you know how to bargain. I bought my Adidas skate gear and shoes for just 50HK$ (25rm). Cool aite? I talked with one of the promoters there and they told me that most of the goods sold there are made by workers working at the factories where they will bring home the leftover materials and make their own fashion line in their homes.

Even the original goods there are cheap. I bought the original Giardano casual long sleeve shirts, Bossini's sweat shirt and sweater, and Espirit's shirts with a total expenditure of just 400 HK$ (200rm). Man, this is the only time when i really enjoy shopping.

Of coursse, the grand finale would be Hong Kong's Disneyland. Though it is not as huge as Tokyo's, but it was ok.. i guess. But, as i said before in my previous blog, the magic is still the same. All those Disney magics come to life; a place where you can do anything and you could forget all your worries. The 'Let it Snow' parade was a blast, and i had a fantastic time dancing with the other tourist during the parade. I just forget the things around me, find someone to dance wth, and shake that booty. The 'Circle of Life' was also superb, relieving the time when i grow up with the Lion King, and of course, the fireworks which i didn't have the chance to see when i was in tokyo. Simply in words, it is just beautiful and tears-shedding.

But one thing that could not go unnotice is the friendship which blossomed between the people in our group. My dearest little sister and brother, Alysia and Adam (hopefully we could meet again 'sumwhere far' =)), uncle Azly, Intan and Fafa, Shahmi and Tina and the other wonderful people; these are the people who have been my best friends and family during the 7 day trip. And of course, Look and Samantha from St Andrews IB school who have been a great travelling buddy.

Overall, it was those moments which are worthy to be labelled 'the best times of my life' and i hope that i could visit this lovely place again. Next stop; Beijing? Paris? Egypt?.. Inshallah.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

'So close yet so far'

Sitting outside under the heavens with my laptop as my trusty companion, I took awhile to listen to Jon McLaughlin's 'So Close' which was, to me, a completely lovely and beautiful soundtrack of Disney's Enchanted. It might be that i'm Patrick Demsey's 'Dr McDreamy' fan, or it might be the feeling that you have after watching Disney's motion picture, but i for one, must say, that it is the message of the movie itself that brings out the magic there is in every living soul; happy ending does exist and miracles do happen. (To anyone who haven't watch this movie, ull be happy to know that it is worth my 2-thumbs up...make it 3). Frankly speaking, since March this year, i've been experiencing so many things, and i end up pisting myself at the whole world. It came to a point that i've almost become a heartless person who don't give a fuck about people and the world. I cracked, i became selfish, i put the blame on myself till an extent that i feel much more lower than crap. It felt that the whole world was against me and i was all alone. It felt that you don't have tanywhere to go. But as i started doing my IB, getting through the most emotional ramadhan i had in my life, meeting people at every walks of life, and of course being back together with the person i care and love the most, it opened my eyes and made me realize that there might be hope for a 'happy ending' at all. Witnessing real life 'Lion King's Festival of Life' and the trip to Hong Kong's Disneyland, and watching Disney's 'Enchanted', it just made me realize that miracles, true love and happy endings are not just mere fantasies in fairy tales, but they all do exist; an it exist in us. What left to do is just one thing, and that is believing. As we are progressively living in a world where stress is a common sight and suffering has become a norm of life, we tend to forget the very little things in life that mean the most to us, we forget that true love triumph despite any species of odds, we forget all those fairy tales we grow up with which tells us that there will always be a happy ending in everything. Sometimes i wonder, why do parents costantly pushing their children to grow up so soon while there is a fantasy cultivated in them which if abide by it, we could make the world a better place?
I grow up with so many Disney movies; ranging from Lion King, Toy Story, Little Mermaid, Hercules, and so many more, and must i say, it permanently carved in me all the values which mould me into who i am today. The soundtracks is as monumetal as the movie itself, superbly orchestrated which could sip into your deepest and coldest corner of your heart and soften it up like winter in December. I have been to 2 Disneylands; Hong Kong and Tokyo, and to be frank with you, when u stepped into these magical places, it felt as if you are in a whole new world, a world without bloodshed and suffering, a world where fantasy and reality come together. And there will be times in there where you would lose your breathe and the last thing you kow, you'll be crying tears of joy. And once you see all those fireworks dancing among the stars above the magic castle, you'll just know that magic does exist, dreams come true, and there is a happy ending in everything. Take it from me, i fell, i stood up, and i believe in my happy ending. I might not be there yet, but at least in every step i take, ill always know that i have someone who will always be there for me, and there will always be that very magic which accompanies me in my journey. Miracles does happen and i believe!

To my dearest... So far yet so close..655

Thursday, August 23, 2007

The legacy of hopes

Sometimes, I doubt the capabilities of human beings withstanding the full thrust of agony and suffering. We seemed so fragile; at any given moment we could crack under the immense pressure of world’s unforgiving nature and eventually break into million pieces. Before this, I felt my world crumbling down on me, with a lot of unexpected things knocking on my door and lot od due dates and datelines to be met. But, this particular place called PERNIM in Cheras Baru has opened my eyes to the reality of life, and how my problems are just bubbles compared to the sea of anguish and torment the children there are swimming in. This place houses abandoned children who their bodies are ravaged by the HIV virus, with no parents to go to, and ever thirsty for love and care. We spent 3 days there, playing with them, put them to sleep, teaching them a few lessons on life, and giving them the love and hope that they deserve and should have. Honestly at first, we felt quite anxious due to the reality that we are handling children who have the virus that there is still no cure for and the only barrier between us and the virus is just our skin. But, when we arrived there, every single negative perception that mingles in our heads receded. We were greeted with joyous laughs and smiles by the children there and judging from their appearances, we just could not apprehend the fact that this sweet, demure, innocent children are HIV positive. We wonder, what did they do to deserve this kind of punishment? Why life seems so unfair? The ‘Mama’ over there just explain briefly the background of the home and the history of the children who live there. If you could spend time with them, you’ll find out that these children are utterly independent and friendly, especially the babies there. They could sleep in your arms even you just have been there for 1 day. After every Maghrib solats, we would have a chat with them, trying to know them much better. A child there said, in his own words that his dad died and his mom would bring ‘new dads’ every night to his home. And there’s another child, she’s blind, her flesh was once ravaged by flesh-eating germs, she has a foot smaller than the another, and the only things she could say are her name, her age, and the Arabic characters. She was found abandoned, with dirt all over her body and left alone. Are we worse than animals? Even animals have more compassion than us if this is how we act. Those 3 days with them have created a strong family-like bond between us and the children and it was just heart-braking to just say goodbye to them. Those small kisses and gentle hugs I got from all of these children will indeed be the one of the most memorable experience in my life. Living in a picture perfect family, the only place where I could find this kind of stories before this visit was just in television dramas. But now, I have seen the dark side of life which I didn’t realize its existence before. One thing which marvels me the most is how these children could move on with their lives, after going through immense pain and hardships and still being able to carve the biggest smile on their faces? They, to me, are living and walking legacies of the human spirit and how believing in hopes and dreams could bring you out of life’s greatest challenges. Some of them want to be doctors, pilots, and soldiers and even though their future appeared dim, but ironically, this is the place where hopes shine the brightest. I have faith, no doubt, that these children have the capabilities and the strength to achieve where no man has achieved before. And in the end of the day, I realized that these children have made me understand that life is not all about receiving, but its more on giving, may it be hope, love, or anything else. And, indeed, even though hopes and dreams seemed irreversibly destroyed, they are actually not. We just need to keep on believing, and have a little more faith.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

The certain and uncertain

I chatted with Iman KA last night, and we end up talking about life and the uncertainty of it. (Don’t worry Iman, I wont go into details. Your secret’s safe with me ;)). There are so many things in life that we want to achieve, but the road is never straight, and the path will never be clear. She indicated to me that, generally, in life, we tend to find any signs of hope or certainty that will somehow give a sense of comfort to us all. Even I had this kind of desire too; always wanted something concrete and firm to hold on to, just to tell me that everything will be ok. But life doesn’t work like that. My Mak Long and mama once told me that life is never certain. It’s always a gamble, and we can never predict what will become of us in the future. (Even those ‘bomoh’ or ‘tok pawang’ couldn’t be certain of what they see of the future). I was always desperately wanting for this so called ‘certainty’, but my mom made me realize that certainty is one of the things that life could not offer. It takes me awhile to digest what she said, and eventually, I accepted the idea, though I still need those ‘signs of hope’. Yeah, what my Mak Long and mama told me was totally true; there will always be risk in taking life’s decisions, and the outcome may not turn out to be the way you want to but they told me that if even that’s the case, if you took it because its your passion and love, you will never regret it. There’s no way to escape risk, and it’s one component of life that we need to face in every aspect of life, but make the best of it by evaluating thoroughly and take the least risky one. Always take the calculated risk, just to be prepared for the ‘uncertain’.Like they say, if you can beat them, join them.
With life, comes uncertainty. With uncertainty comes risk, and with risk comes hope. So, in the midst of this ‘uncertainty’, no matter how blur or windy the road is, look inside you and ask yourself ‘what do you really want?’. If that’s your dream, take a while to think about it, stick to your plan and go for it. Everthing you ever desired and wanted is actually in front of you actually, and what you need to do is take the leap of faith. Just have faith, because to me, believing and putting the end in mind, will somehow make the windows of your future more cleaner and clearer. And always remember, no matter how difficult it is, no matter how windy the road is, and no matter how ‘uncertain’ your dreams are, nothing on this world is impossible, and just have faith and work your heart off for it. And Inshallah, ‘uncertain’ will become ‘more certain’ with every step you take. Have faith!

Monday, June 11, 2007


I dedicate this to my lovely dearest and baby Zach. Happy birthday dear!

To some, memories are just events that took place in our lives that they can just forget about them and put the past as past. To another, memories take vivid pride where they reside the most, the heart. In this world, this ‘memory’ we depend on so much, contains various meanings, due to the cultural boundaries and the influence of the environment. Let me share with you my perspective and how I perceived memories. Memories come in various packages, depending on how meaningful they are to an individual. They can become so powerful, that it would have a profound effect on the human emotions. You might experience where you sit alone, reminiscing the past, and somehow, in a weird way, you laughed your throat out, or you suddenly cried and your eyes get puffy and red. That’s how powerful memories are; they can changed lives. You see, some might say that life-altering events, could, well.. alter lives I guess. But actually, this life-changing events could do so little unless they are kept in our hearts and you let them stayed there. That’s memories. Be it the lost of loved ones, your graduation, your wedding day, and the list goes down, the memories of this events will eventually transform you to another person, maybe for the better or the worst, depending on how you take it. I lost my baby brother once, and to tell you the truth, I was shattered and I have no where else to go. I still remember vividly, where I was waiting for my aunty to pick me up in the rain, and I prayed to the all Mighty that I hope that He would bring my brother back to life. But what is done is done. But with the loving memories of baby Zach, I have succeeded where a few has achieved, and that’s only the beginning and the visible, and trust me, as long as I hold on to his memories, I’ll achieve more, that the mortal mind can imagine.
And based on experience, memories can get even more meaningful when you have others in the picture. There’s nothing more beautiful than falling and rising with the people you care and love. Be it your friends, or your loved ones, or your family, to endure life with them will permanently stay in you forever. I don’t know how to explain this, but every laughs, tears, conflict, comfort that we share together has magic in them, and with them come life’s miracle. Let’s just put it this way; human bonds make memories even beautiful.
So, what I can say here is cherish all the moments that you have and share with others. When there’s a change of tide, they will comfort you in times when you needed comfort the most. Never put aside those memories, but embrace it and enjoy every second of it.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

The devil's advocate

This is a cool experiment that I learned when I read the June edition of New Scientist. Try it and you’ll be amaze on the way how our mind functions. It is called the ‘Wason Card Selection Task’.

You are given 4 cards, ‘D’, ‘A’, ‘2’, and ‘5’ written on the front of the card. You are needed to prove this statement by just flipping only 2 cards out of the 4. The statement is:

“If there is a D on one side, there is a 5 on the other”.

So, which card will you flip?

75% of the respondents flipped D and 5. But did the statement said anything about if there is a 5 on one side, there is a D on the other? No. So, why do we need to flip the ‘5’ ? Interesting isn’t it.

To confirm this theory, the solution is actually to disprove it, so you just need to flip D and 2. The reason:
For D, if the reverse isn’t 5, the statement is false.
For 2, if the reverse isn’t D on the other side, so the statement is false

Wason concluded that in an argument, we mostly tend to use facts and numbers which only support ours and we very seldomly try to find things which weakens our arguments. This explains why when we are needed to evaluate alternatives, we end up bias towards one and we ignore the others. This is christened ‘The Ubiquitous Confirmation Bias’. This can closely associated to our way of thinking where we always consider the strength but never the weakness. Sometimes, most of the times, the best way to evaluate an issue or ourselves is trying to identify the weaknesses and improve it to the better. So, when it comes to making decisions or justifying an argument, try to ‘bang’ yourself first. Do you get what I mean? =)

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

The fish we eat.

A typical fisherman village A fishing boat
Papa and mama : My inspiration and strength
Leaving Kuantan for the vast open sea An exhausted fisherman getting a short afternoon nap

Have you ever wonder, during dinner or lunch, how the fish ends up in your plate? Have you ever imagine how much sweat and energy poured into providing you the very fish you eat for lunch or dinner? This is my experience with my family on a fishing trip in the middle of the South China Sea, and to tell you the truth, it is one that could never be forgotten. We start off at 8 am in the morning from the Tanjung Api Jetty and the sight of the fishermen village greeted us in a very solemn way. Its quite saddening to see an old shack which houses a family of average of 7. We chanted that we are on the verge of becoming a developed country, but yet, there are still of our fellow friends which live in this kind of condition.
On the boat, my mom’s friend and another fisherman was expecting us. Then we set course into the middle of the South China Sea, with high hopes of getting a bucket of deep sea fish. The method that we use to catch fish there is using an Appolo fishing rod; a fishing rod which has a 5 to seven hooks on the line and every one of them is attached with shiny, metallic fibers to bait the fishes. We once tried this in Langkawi, so the Appolo is no stranger to us. No doubt, fishing is a test of patience. Imagine; in the middle of the sea, and the sun is burning your skin and you can felt the sweat flowing on your back. It was just nerve-racking, And to make it more miserable, we only got so little fish except for my mother; she’s an iron woman of the sea. But when we sensed something pulling on the line, and you quickly pull it up, and you see a Selar at the end of the line, you feel a surge of excitement all over the body. Yeah, it’s a small accomplishment, but looking at the atmosphere and the condition, you can imagine how a fish at the end of the line could make you so happy? I ask the man, how much fish on average will he catch daily? Sadly, he told me that with this method, they even could not get the white polystyrene container half full. With that much of a catch, they can only get around RM 10 to 15 a day and with that amount of money, they will use it to feed their 7 children.
And one more experience that I must share is praying on the boat. The boat is never stable; the boat will be constantly rocking like a cradle every time the wave slams the boat. So, they will sit during their prayers. It’s a cool thing to pray in a new way =) Hey, is not like we always get the chance praying in the middle of the sea, right?
At 5 pm, we head back to dry land, and everyone was very exhausted. But, our fatigue faded away by the sight of 3 dolphins swimming beside our boat. Their upper part of their bodies appear and reappear on the surface of the water, and we were like a bunch of monkeys on a boat, being so excited watching these very gentle creatures.
We reached the jetty at precisely 6.10 pm and everyone was damn tired. But we learned a lot of valuable lessons. I still remember vividly, the faces of the children there, with their worn out power ranger and pokemen t-shirts, looking at us we a very sweet smile. As you read this, just remember that we are so lucky of being who we are now; being able to surf the internet, wear descent clothes, and having a warm and comfortable home to live on. Don’ t forget to remember our brother’s and sister’s who aren’t fortunate enough to have a life like ours. So, when you are about to have a bite of the delicious deep fried sweet sour fish, just take a minute to thank the very men and women who went through all the hardships, in the middle of the ocean, to get that fish we about to eat..

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

From Transnational to the heavens

Writing to you from a Transnational bus heading to KL in the middle of the Monday night. Listening to Anna Nallick’s 2 AM, I looked outside the window, admiring the constellations in the heavens. As I look at the very stars that dreamers, philosophers, lovers, poets, and achievers once admire, the thought of my dreams struck my mind. You see, the very dreams that I hold on to are thought to be impossible by typical others. But to me, nothing is impossible on this earth and I believe that everything is achievable if you put your heart, mind and soul into it. On the 16th of June, I will embark on a very hard and difficult journey which I estimate will take me around 8 to 9 years of my life to accomplish. In those period of time, I will submit myself to medicine, and I will put all my life to a relationship which I pledged myself to you.
After what happened for the last few months, I started questioning my attention of becoming a doctor. It crossed my mind that if I had not taken this choice of mine and I resorted to become an engineer or accountant, I might be richer and I could be with the people I love. And there were times when people sarcastically gave me the idea that becoming a doctor is not worth the effort and all the sleepless nights for on-calls when eventually I would get a salary far less than those who sit in the office drinking coffee. But when I talked to my junior of mine, she makes all the different. About the relationship, she made me realize that just put all your effort and keep on loving. People might say that I need to be realistic, but as I said before, in love and relationship, it surpasses the boundaries of time and logic. And I have faith and I believe that one day I’ll be with her. And no matter how hard it is, I will keep on loving her. And on my doubts of becoming a doctor, I realize that there is more than salary when we talk about life in the emergency room. It is actually about changing people’s lives, giving hope to the hopeless, giving some sense of security to people who are in need one. Yeah, I might not be rich, but I know that my choice of profession will bring enjoyment to others. For all the future doctors out there, persevere and what you will be doing will be look high upon Allah and the people around.
And again, I just want to help others, and I’m glad that the one I love has gotten what she wants, and to me, it means the whole world to me. So rather on lamenting on what will happen in the future, I should go on helping others and touching lives. And when I take another look in the heavens, I know that body will turn to dust, but because of selflessness and the heart which is pure, Allah will put us there, among the stars.


I believe that we are sent onto this earth for a purpose. From the very janitors who clean up the mess we make to the very people who governed a nation, we will always serve a purpose to others. After 18 years of living, surviving, and breathing, I have reached to a point that I realized the reason why Allah sent me here; to submit to Him, to learn and to care and help others. After my SPM, I’ve been traveling a lot, seeing what the world is really about and what lies for me in the future. There were times when I encounter people who suffer so much (and I thought my life was miserable) and who are in need of a little care and love. I met elderly people who crave for the love of the young, people who are holding on to little hope when they know there are no hope left, people who do hard labor just to feed and school their 8 children, and fishermen who spent the whole day under the excruciating heat of the sun in the middle of the sea just to come back to their families with RM10 a day. Life is not as it seems and the media has somehow blinded us from the suffering of the very people who are in need of help. When I associated my life’s dream of becoming a doctor, I realize that this is not just a dream. It has become my obligation, my calling to change their lives. It may sound big, very big, but I know this is it; becoming a doctor, a specialist, and to care for this people. I know there’s little I can do for them for now, but I know that my existence will never be complete if their fate is not defended. I pledge, in the confinement of my ability and capabilities, that I will help those people. This is also a calling to all of the people out there, do your part in helping this people. Life is not about making big bucks and having a BMW 5 Series with big mansions. It is about enjoying it and share those enjoyment with these unlucky people and what better way of doing it than carving a smile on their faces.

Between science and faith

I am a man of science, a person who wouldn’t take any ideas into consideration without any concrete evidence which I can see, touch, hear, feel, and smell. To me, everything could be explained scientifically, one way or another, either with quantum or with conventional main stream of science. But lately, I come to my senses that there are things on this earth, or may be in the very existence of everything, that does not need an explaination on why it occurred or happened. Yes, there are the spiritual aspect which need to be balance between logical thinking and the divine faith and submission; religion. But I would like to talk about the very human emotions which define us as a civilized beings, particularly love. If we look at emotions such as joy, sadness, confusion, depression, and the list goes down, science can explain all of these phenomenon in the boundaries of chemistry and medicine. All of these can be laid down in the blue print of the complex labyrinth of neurons in the brain and they are closely associated with the chemicals in the neurotransmitters which prominently effect one’s personality. But when it comes to love, science is tested to the edge. You see, our humanly instinct is constantly on the search of ‘the’ ideal sexual mate to produce quality offspring which could ensure the continuing existence of mankind. But when love is put into the picture, it alters the whole scientifically explaination on why humans have special bonds of the opposite sex and stay loyal to each other. Love could never be associated with the surge of serotonin in the brain, nor the hyper cerebral activities. Yes, no doubt, there will be times when cheating occurs, but this occurrence should never be a reason to go against love due to this very justification : are you sure the affection that those couples who cheated are truly love? It may be not. But I believe that when this feeling called love is felt and embraced, it can go beyond logic. There are even recorded proof that Alzheimer patients had somehow gained their memory back temporarily when they are closed to their loved ones, and how can science and medicine explain that? That is the beauty of the human affection and passion towards the other; that is the beauty of love. Again, I am a man of science and one day I will commit myself to a life long medical learning, but yet I will dedicate myself to this one kind of emotion. I will keep on learning and try to find any possible explaination for everything, but for love, I will not go experimenting it, or associating it with raging hormones or those things, but I will embrace it and celebrate it. And that's faith.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Chasing dreams

To some, life starts at 30. To some, they understand life when they have a family to raise. To me, it's not too much to say that my life starts in March 2007. Yeah, no doubt about it. I will not go recapping the things which happen from 1/1/2007 till now but what I'm starting to realize is that life will not always go the way we want it to be. I was raised to be a systematic planning machine; constantly calculating the risk of everydays life and executing the best decisions which could benefit me and every living, breathing thing which exist around me. I believe that nothing is impossible if we really work our ass off into it. But yet, what my sweetheart was trying to convince me back in school is happening in front of my eyes as we speak.

I have dreams and i dream big; it's not your typical Miss-World-maikng-the-world-a-beter-place dreams. My dreams are based on a realistic foundation which i belive, without even a shadow of a doubt, it will happen. After so much which happen, I've decided on 3 concrete dreams which has become my constitution of my complex thinking mechanism;

1.To become a specialist in medicine
2.To have a family with the one I love so much
3.To act selflessly towards all living beings

Those are the 3 dreams which is embedded deeply in me, to an extend, has become my principals of life, and no one can ever change this. But for the other dreams and hopes that i have for myself, it may or may not happen,and i really hate this. I wanted certainty, but the future is the one thing that could not give me that. I recall one deep statement ' The expected put humans on the feet, but the unexpected changes life' and trully there's no weak points in it. The certain puts us in the comfort zone, but uncertain strips us bare naked. But that's life; easy leads to less, difficult spells more, shortcuts are fools' success and suffering is the pathway to greatness. It takes me 17 years to deduct this, and it takes me life-shattering, emotional-packed steps. I discussed all of my plans and dreams with my parents and their response are simply eye opening. They said that life as a Muslim is bounded to the Qada' and Qadar. As i am very liberal on this matter, i tend to think that life's outcomes is solely in our hands, and we have all the power and might to have it all. But my sweetheart and parents told me that yes its true, but there will be times when it will not go our way as Allah has something bigger and better for us. At first, this fact was really hard to absorb and digest, but thinking back, life works that way. But still, these very important people made me realize that though there are these uncertainties in life, we still will get what we want, through faith, preseverence and hard work. Man eventually played golf on the moon when the whole world thought that we will never even get near it. Man are living in the skies when people once thought that we will never touches the heavens. That's the beauty of dreams; they help man to achieve things which we never thought of before. With all of these assembling in my head, it shows me a clearer potrait now; whatever it is, whatever your dreams are, have faith, believe and work for it, and no matter how hard or impossible it is, your dreams and hopes will come true. Have faith.

Ijok and Malaysia football

The Ijok by-election is just in the corner, and it is making headlines all over the tabloids and newspapers. Let’s just say that the one of the top 5 topics on the debate at your typical mamak stall nationwide has something to do with it. But, I am no politic observer giving out analysis and answers on rhetorical questions. It’s just that the bottles flying over the heads of supporters of the two political parties somehow projected the level of maturity of the people of Malaysia really is. I may not go into details what happen on that very day as I wasn’t there, so I believe that is ethically and morally wrong for me to elaborate more on that matter, but it’s just I am very disappointed by the actions of the supporters who acted in a uncivilized manner. But first, I would like to point out that I, myself have flaws and I’m discussing on this issue so in a long run, I hope that I could improve the thinking of Malaysians and at the same time, help myself in becoming a better person.And what caught my attention in the newspaper is the headline of Hatem Soussi, the Negeri Sembilan coach who has been allegedly accused of assaulting a fellow Negeri Sembilan supporter. And for this matter, I could elaborate more as I have been given and insight of what Malaysian football is all about; my Pak The is the manager of the team and there were a couple occasions where I had some chat with Hatem. Clearly, Hatem did not assault the fan as been proven by the footage by TV3. To me, what causes the commotion was the provocation done by the supporters towards Hatem. They insulted Hatem’s family and players, and the question is, how would you stand those kind of pressures coming in so many directions? To me, Hatem was not to be blamed and he DID NOT assault the fan. Yeah at one way, he did go over the fence, but he wasn’t attend in any way to assault him. Is just he was trying to get that so called ‘fan’ to the police.But anyways, this two event connects with each other and in a way it projected how Malaysians are. They are giving out signals to the whole world that we are not developed as we think we are. Come one, after watching Malaysian foot ball matches for a couple of weeks, you should have seen this so called ‘fans’ in action. They treated the players like crap, insulted the players in front of their parents, and the called themselves the ‘hardcore fans’. Yeah right!But this 2 events really show what Malaysians are really made of; a heartless, aggressive, hot tempered people with little respect to others. So, it’s up to you, the readers to ponder on this and make the right turns and actions. Come on, show some dignity and show the people out there who Malaysians are. Malaysia boleh, right?

Re-incarnation and rejuvenation

After a long time not since I put my last entry into my blog, so I guess this entry, to me is a new improve version of me. After a couple of weeks putting myself into solitary, my views and paradigms have been altered in a very significant change. You see, in this past few weeks, I have endured in so many intense psychological experience and I must say that this event s have change me into a person who I believed, a person of honor, virtues, meticulous, and have a very good sense of realistic and logic. Let’s just say, in simpler terms that I have been transformed into a new-improved Fathul Aizat version 3.0.You see, after a few life-altering experience, I have meet a lot of new people and seen many situations which could never be experienced neither in schools nor in a normal typical day. So, to me, I devised a very simple formula which I believe that could contribute a lot in the changing of paradigms:Readings + Inter-intra personal + First hand experience= Maturity and greatness of thinking and mentality.So, in a way, the style of my entry after this would seem like a typical newspaper and tabloid column with a 360 degrees turn and twist with more maturity wroting being instill in it.So, I hope that the series of entries posted in this blog will somehow give an insight of morality and hopefully, that this will somehow shed some light on the reformation of Malaysian mentality. Viva Malaysia.

A thin white thread

Firstly i would like to thank the people who willingly spend their time reading my blog, especially those who also gave comments on them. I really appreciate them.This past few days' i heard people dying everywhere,; in the news, in the news papers, and from my friends. Men once said that death is a phase that living thngs need to face, it is a part of life. And this concept still circulating in our beliefs. Yes, those statements could not be denied, by science nor theory. But it sounds ironic rite, 'death is a part of life'. Those two terms; 'life' and 'death' are antonyms to each other, but somehow, 'death is a part of life'. There's one quote; 'To understand life, we need to undertsnd death first'. It holds a deep meaning. Yeah it's true. If we look at our society, we do not appreciate our life the way it supposed to be and there are times we wish that that Big Guy up there put a full stop to it. This might due to big brob or etc. But for me. to really understand what life is, we need to put ourselves in the shoes of people who have so little time to live. In these times, when your life is hangin in the balance, u will realize how precious time is, how valueble life is, how we wish we could turn back time to make things righr again. There is one hadith which stated that the only time men appreciate what Allah gave them is when Allah takes them away. We take simple miracles of life for granted, and one of them is life. Recalling back Elton John's Circle of life, to me, life is defined beautifully by symbolising it to the beauty of mother earth.So, i hope these few simple words could help you to see life in a hole new perspactive. Appreciate life, celebrate it.

Who am I?

Hey again. Hmm, i feel like writing about something that i felt today. U see, i have this abnormalities, maybe it's in the genes i guess; im short. Ok, im not those native pygme people in the amazon, i'm 161 cm. N i just have this enviness towards suys who are even taller than me. Whn i watched mtv, i saw justin timberlake with his awesome dance moves in his video clip. Then suddenly, i felt that i wanted to be this guy on tv. Later on, i wathced Ed on starworld n da same routine happenes, i wanted to be like him too. And the list goes on. It seems that i wanted to be so many peoplein the tv, trying to have something that may in fact doesnt exist in the real world. Same went wit my bros. I don't know, maybe its my raging hormones are putting myself in a position where i have this mild identity crisis. In my readings, i found that most adolescents are facing this problem. Maybe it is a phace that we so-called-humans are destined to experienced. But there are several occasions where it went overboard and things aren't the wat it supposed to be. Hey, i once did research on how to get those couple inches and i even wanted this drug 'arginine' to make myself competent in the height market. What is up with that? Everywhere, teens are getting thinner than the lidi of the satay, trying to pursue this so called perfect body potrayed in the teles. I know its hard but sometimes we need to love ourselfs. Be grateful in what we have. Look deep inside ourselves, and we will find a beauty undescridably beautiful, more beautiful than.. errmm...beautiful! Appreciate ourselves, and we walk on this earth with confidence. (SOunds like an add aite? hihi)

Good or bad? A stigma

Hi. Actually, sorry if u might thnk my blog space is more like an Oprah talk show rather than.. a... well... a blog i guess. Hihi. But it's just that i want to bring u all into my world n how i perceive the world. Its quite interesting to know how other people think n respond to their environment. Actually, last night, i watched this movie, "Ladder 33" or is it 'ladder 49'? I dnt remmber but its a really mind openg movie. In the movie, the firemen are portrayed as noble people who ran inside burning structures n rescue people. But have u ever wonder, why these people, who risk their lives in daily basis, are selbdomly appreciated by people? I came to this conclusion as firemen nowadays, in my opinion, aren't getting what they supposed to get considering the nature of ther job which revolves around danger. This also implies to policemen, lifeguards n so on. Its quite an irony as these noble n brave people receive a monthly wage of only rm900 to rm2000, while those corporat people who laze aroun n just sit down n drink coffee are enjoying themselves with overflowing wealth. That is the stigma, that we, the society nowadays are facing. We look upon those so-called 'mat rempits', mawi, gossips while we let those people who has made so much difference in this worl just fade away. It's kind of weird, aite. Hey, i even sumtimes idolized artists, but after watching the movie, i realized there are more important people that we should look upon. If u ver asked a 17 year old teen, do u wnt to b policeman, fireman, or a soldier, i bet the answer is no. But if usked me, do i want to be all that, i will answer that question with a no too, but i would like to be doc, as i could help n it is the closest for me to be just like them. But if u asked a 5 year old boy, ull b surprised with the answer. Trust me on this..;-)

The end of the world? Think again

there are moments in life when we felt that God hate us n the world is crumbling down on you. Yeah, i had those times do. Actually, when u sit back and ponder, we felt this way because we choose to do so. Sounds weird aite? Yeah but its true. Actually, in life, you feel that u are a total failure coz u make urself belive that u did not achieve your goals and dreams, and in reality, those goals and dreams are set by ourselves. From my personal experience, i was once a perfectionist; i wanted perfection. At first, it helped me a lot, but when i reached the peak of my achievements, it made me push mysely to the edge. urging me to work harder n harder eventhough ive reached my limit. So in the end i succumbed to things which would destroy your very life. Then, my father thought me sumthng very valuable,; the sense of gratefulness. He told me that if u think that u suffer, stop for a while and try to imagine those people who aren't fortunate enough to have a decent meal, who are not able to get a proper education, who lost their loved ones, who are terminally ill and waiting for his or her death. It hit me straight in the heart. Who am i to say that i suffer when there are a lot, i mean A LOT of people who suffered worst than me. N my dad told me... if u feel u didn't get what u wntd the most in present time, think back what do u want to achive in life. Is it the no of a's, a degree, an ipod? Or is it a family filled with luv and care, happiness, and our final destination? But don't get me wrong. Achieving materialism is important, but never neglect those simple things in life which could make life much.. i mean much more meaningful to you. So, if u say that ur life is miserable n its the end of ur life, ask urself it?

The end of the world? Think again

there are moments in life when we felt that God hate us n the world is crumbling down on you. Yeah, i had those times do. Actually, when u sit back and ponder, we felt this way because we choose to do so. Sounds weird aite? Yeah but its true. Actually, in life, you feel that u are a total failure coz u make urself belive that u did not achieve your goals and dreams, and in reality, those goals and dreams are set by ourselves. From my personal experience, i was once a perfectionist; i wanted perfection. At first, it helped me a lot, but when i reached the peak of my achievements, it made me push mysely to the edge. urging me to work harder n harder eventhough ive reached my limit. So in the end i succumbed to things which would destroy your very life. Then, my father thought me sumthng very valuable,; the sense of gratefulness. He told me that if u think that u suffer, stop for a while and try to imagine those people who aren't fortunate enough to have a decent meal, who are not able to get a proper education, who lost their loved ones, who are terminally ill and waiting for his or her death. It hit me straight in the heart. Who am i to say that i suffer when there are a lot, i mean A LOT of people who suffered worst than me. N my dad told me... if u feel u didn't get what u wntd the most in present time, think back what do u want to achive in life. Is it the no of a's, a degree, an ipod? Or is it a family filled with luv and care, happiness, and our final destination? But don't get me wrong. Achieving materialism is important, but never neglect those simple things in life which could make life much.. i mean much more meaningful to you. So, if u say that ur life is miserable n its the end of ur life, ask urself it?


Almost 11 years in the exam-oriented education introduced by da government, and at last, freedom. Though i should celebrating my independence, i felt otherwise. Don't know, but i believe it's simply... friends. Friends... they just humans, but what make them apart from other Homo Sapiens is the tie, the feeling, the bond which emerge between them with us. Sometimes i questioned myself, why do tears appear when i am about to depart with my friends but this does not happn when i am leaving someone i don't know? Simply, friends are people which you have that so-called 'connection'. Now, after leaving school, i understand what people meant when they said 'a shoulder to cry on'. Its actually hard to explain with words, its something that you need to experience first hand. After 5 years living in a boarding school, i come to an understanding that friends are people who you can share problems with, people who you could joke around with n not get hated or hit back, people you could cry and laugh with. As i look back at those 5 incredible years, indeed i love my friends, either those who are 24/7 with me or those who i just knew them by name. Yes, there are times when i got in big fights, but with friends, you somehow get over it. n sometimes i feel confused, why i felt that urge to help and care other people? Why people take care of me? There are no explaination to these questions. That's how magical friends are. Now i understand the connections between people. Now i understand why i care about people who do not have any blood relation with me and being cared back by them. Now i understand my second family. Now i understand my friends.

A feeling called love

Hey. This is my first time in this blog stuff. So, sowy for any mistakes,k ? I would like to share with u guys a very personal topic and it may bring a very special and deep meaning to some people. It's something that people might think that they have it but in reality they didn.t have the jizz of it. Actually, what i meant is the reality of relationships, courtships, and love. It took me a long time to understand a small portion of this very mysterious emotions of humans and till now i still don't fully understand it. Hmm, relationships and love. From my opinion, it is an ever thirst of human to love and be loved. Hey, we are humans. There's one saying that love is what makes the world go around. I agree wit it totally. Love is something that makes you happy when u are with that special person, what makes you remorseful when u are apart, and sometimes makes you do stupid but memorable things. Believe me, i've done stupid things a lot, but when i think back, it's a little romantic i guess. But becareful as love might be blind and it might be not the one though you feel it is. The feelings and emotions which are associated with love might be started from the looks, maybe from the personality, or many more. But personally, for me, it's that feeling inside indicates that the person is the one; a feeling that i could not put it into words and to describe it. It's a very strange feeling actually. If u like the person by his or her looks, u might end up in a very bad relationship. I'm not saying that u need to exclude the physical factors; the looks is still important, but u also need to have the 'connection of the hearts' to get the full meaning of courtships and relatonships. Oklah, i guess that's all. Maybe, i'll write some more in the future.