Finding a reason and a purporse

Assalamualaikum.

It was a reality which came like a gush of wind. I was attending my weekly usrah and we discussed, in a very open manner, of the reality of the world we are living in. And the thing is, reality is not as pleasent as it seems. My naqib started off by asking what will become of us all in the next 1o years. Each and everyone of us in the usrah had some say, and for me, i see myself as a surguen cum doctor at that time. than he brought up the issue, to me , of great importance; is it worth enduring 8 to 9 years of vigorous medical school, just to end up as a robot? It does sound a little bit over the top and rude, but thinking back, it is true. Im my case, IB is already hard enough, and there will be another 6 to 7 years of medical school, and in the process, ill be sacrificing so many things. But it just sickens me that the end product will be dr who wake up at 6, go to work until 5pm, come back, have dinner, and continue working at night, and the on-calls, and the vicious cycle will continue until i retire. By that time, ill be too old to do the things which i didn't have the chance to do in my working days. Is it worth the sweat and blood for the whole 8 to 10 years, just to become a robot? Is life worth just spending in the office and meeting sick people on a regular basis? To me, i feel sick to the gut just cosidering the prospect which is in store for me in the future. And this also implies on careers other that medicine. Life should be more than the 8 to 5 pm dull routine. My naqib ask us all to think of what should we do. To me, this is not the life i wanted and i was not born on this earth just to become a bloody slave. I am here to make a difference. Some might be sceptical of what my plans are, thinking that they are too ambitious that they are out of my reach, but i believe that i have the capabilities and the strenght to achieve what man thought impossible. I wanted to make a difference in this world, may it be big or small. I would really love to travel all around the world, celebrate the the different cultures, and to help those people in need. it might sound big, but i have already taken the first step out of the many that i need to take to get there. Should be there any difference between me and the people in africa? I am obliged to join the many young men and women who have the spirit and desire to make a change in this world. Hassan Al-Bana once wished that he hoped to die as a martyr, and as for me i pray that i'll die in my battle for truth and just, and in my last gush of breaths, i hope to see the world a much more better place. Inshallah.

Wasslam

Eye opener

Assalamualaikum.

Just wanna share you a video which really opened my eyes to the reality of life. Its a must watched. Enjoy.

Wasalam

Ma makna Islam?

Assalamualaikum
Firstly, I am writing this not as a pious man nor an ustaz, not as a sheikh nor as a tabligh. But i am writing this as a muslim, a proud muslim who is obliged to do the amar makruf wa nahi mungkar and to counter the misconceptions about the ad-deen, not just among the non muslims, but also among my brothers and sisters of islam. But please, don't have the idea of me wearing the white headgear and the jubah, and having a long beard. I hardly wear any kopiah before, for your information.
I have a question to ask; what is islam?
I did ask this question to a few of my friends and some people that i encountered, and their answers are quite dissapointing. Some restrict the practice of islam just in the confinements of the 5 pillars of islam. Instead, in reality, islam is much more than that. It is not just a religion, but it is ad-deen; a way of life. Western orientalist and secularism has somehow corrupted the minds and thoughts of muslims with te doctrine that islam is only in the mosque, and once you are out of the mosque, you are someone else. No, islam is much more than that. It is a system of life, where it teaches its followers the basis of every aspect of life, ranging from the smallest of things in our daily life, such as the taharah (cleanliness) until the ethics and guidelines on how to govern a country or an empire (the daulah). It is a complete, thorough manual of life, with the al-quran and the as-sunnah as the reference and the prophet Muhammad (pbuh) as the main example. Islam is everywhere; from the way you smile, the way you care about people, the way you talk, the way you sit, the way your eat, and the list goes down. If you are aware, we are constantly reminded of what islam really is in the solah that we perform : 'kul inna solati wa nusuki, wa mahyaya wa mamati lillahi rabbil alamin'. meaning ; my prayers, my ibadah, my life and my death is dedicated to Allah, the creator of all. (quoted in the iftitah).
In my personal opinion, the source of the misconception could be traced to how we are educated by our parents, teachers and the society. We have been brought up with the idea that islam equals malays, and we are continuously taught into picturing a muslim wearing a songkok, a baju melayu or a jubah, the serban, and that person sitting in the surau. It is deeply embedded in the society that we somehow mistook culture with Islam. And to some extent, islam is wrongly claimed that it inhibits development, and it is a much dissapointment that some of my brothers and sisters supported this statement.
History has proven that Islam ia not just able to exist coincide with development, but instead, the development of knowledge flourished under the reign of Islam. From the times of the Khulafa' Ar-rashidin, to the Umayyads, the Abbasids, until the Ottomans, the world has witnessed an unprecedented rise of the Islamic civilisation, with the territory controlled by muslims grew rapidly and muslim scholars speerheading new discoveries and findings in every field of knowledge. And bear in mind that all of the great Muslim thinkers are also prominent religious leaders.
Brothers and sisters, the time for change is now. It is essential that all of us embrace the true meaning of islam and cast aside the misleading ideas that has so long been ascociated with it. We need to always remind ourselves and others what islam is really all about.
And lastly, i would like to ask a question for all of us to ponder; from puberty until now, what have we contributed to Islam?
Wasalam

Ferenheit rising....

Well, im really sorry for being idle for the last 2 to 3 months. i have been very busy as hell and to tell you the truth, i have never imagined mysely where i seriusly, damn seriusly, have no time for myself. Before entering College Mara Banting, our seniors constantly telling us not to take up IB we reasons like bz and stres and etc. etc. We never took them serius, with the thought that they were joking with us. But after doing IB for the past 9 months, it hit me like a speeding train. First sem was ok, assignment were moderate, not much projects, and everythng was ok, thought we were already feeling the heat. And then come second semester, and all hell break loose. It's just unfair to make a generalisation on all IB world schools, but KMB's IB programme will suck the life and sunshine out of u, and this is not a hyperbolic statement. With the CAS class-based project, the exhibitions, the assignments, the lab report, the gropu 4 project, the EE, the CAS project, the CAS report, and much much much more, its no question mark that the students are constantly under pressure. There was this one week, my class just came back from a camp (which we organized and we, ourselve participated). We were deprived of sleep, fatigued, and worn out. Then came our Malay Lit exhibition, and there went our sleep. At the same time, we have lab reports which were due on that very week. And at the same time, we had maths and bio exam on the same week. Lack of sleep, the pressure was taking a toll on each and every one of us. On one night, i was shocked to see my friend, in the middle of the night, was doing his report, and he was crying. His eyes were red of the little sleep he had for 3 days in the row. For me, being the president of the student council adds up a whole new bunch of problems. But i managed to keep my emo intact though at certain times, when i am alone, looking at the picture in front of me on the table, i just cant hold back. One part of me was very grateful that the person in the picture does not have to go through the mental torture i am experiencing, and at the same time, another part of me just wished that i am not here, not on this pathway, not in this field, and i might, just might be, as in the picture with that person. The hopes, the expectations were too overwhelming that u feel as u want to let go of everything and be just... no one. The UK dream, the plans, felt so out of reach.In the surau, i develope the habit of watcing a group of children , who are regulars at the surau, playing around, and i would always wish that i could turn back time to the days when i was like those children; no worries and no responsibilities. It took me a while to overcome the pervasive feeling that was overpowering me, and the only thing that give me that little but too important strength was i have something to prove to someone, and i want to make that person proud of me. At the same time, i felt that i had a bigger purpose in life; to help those people in need, and my responsibility to revive back the ummah. These reasons make the sleepless nights, the fatigues, and the tears a little bit worthwile. Ms Loh once said, the pressure can either break u or make u, and if u manage to 'survive' the 2 year programme, u are destined to be someone great. i hold on to that very dearly. And of course, there were conflicts which needed to be cofronted and taken control of. I lost more friends than i make one, and as i write this entry, i might lose my very source of strength. I don't know. if that happens.... Its not too much if i say that IB is just about being the best, but its all anout surviving the 2 excruciating years. Maybe the dream i once told hanif is materializing in front of me as i speak.

Sunrise

Here is a series of sun rise pic i took in Penang early in the morning. This is taken in Tg Tokong.

Oriental delight

At first, i was not that keen of participating in my family's trip to Hong Kong and Shenzen. I was on protest at first for my parent's refusal of letting me go for a humanitarian trip to Vietnam. they came up with excuses which i see as unrelevant at all; malaria threat, instability, etc.. etc.. So, not wanting to be a child who bite the hands which feed me, i complied and decided on joining them on the trip. At frst, i thought that this holiday will never come close to the excitement of my homestay trip in Nagoya and Tokyo.But as i stepped on Hong Kong's soil, with the mild winter weather bearing great resemblence with the temperature of Cameron highlands in the night, i must say that i took back my words.

From what i see, HK is like the Asia's version of the big apple; the infamous traffic jams, sky scrappers, and a stream of people rushing from one place to another. Frankly speaking, Hong kong people are not that very friendly and your simple 'hello' to them ussually are not replied. Similar with Japan, they speak very little English, and if they do, they have those tones and ascent like those of Russel Peters contoversial racist jokes. (Super damn funny!) And the standard of living there is quite high. lets say for ur simple 'ma sya' or green tea, it will cost u around HK$ 12.00 (equivallent to 6rm).

In travel, i am not those stereotypical type of person who heads off to theme parks or so called 'famous tourist sights' in a group. I prefer travelling alone, making friends with the natives, learning and trying out new cultures. Rather travelling in groups, i rather have a map or a gprs in my hand, get to know a few natives, and follow where my legs and instincts lead me. For me, this is the true backpacking cum travelling cum learning experience. A day after arriving in Hong Kong, after a tour trip, i brought along my pouch with camera, a map, and a bottle of mineral water, and just wonder off nowhere. I came across a lot of 'interesting' places where u can find in Malaysia; table-dancing with topless girls club, mamak stall in HK, I-Phone for 600rm, a newly wedded couple, in their wedding attire, taking pictures in the middle of the busy roads of HK, and a group of Muslims, going to the mosque for prayers.

Then, on our third day, we shoot of to Shen Zen by train. I had this utterly strange feelinh when we reached there; it is hard to believe that China is still in the communist block considering there are a lot of non-chinese influences that could be seen all over Shen Zen. It was hard to unnotice the gigantic factories and indusries which could be found there. No wonder that China has turned out to be the next economic super power surpassing Uncle Sam, with a GDP of a staggering 11%. i was told that Shen Zen is is also known as the 'Tounge of Immigrants' as 95% of the population there are people from outside Shen Zen. With it labour intensiive industries, a large portion of the inhibitants are working in factories. And it is also mind blowing to know that 20 years ago, this huge city , with its numerous skycrappers(as huge as New York or Chicago, seriusly!) was once just a small agriculture village.

Tourists who come here have only one thing in mind when they come to Shen Zen; shopping. When i say shopping, people literally 'shop till they drop!'. Its true. There is this one place called Dongmen market which has been the Mecca for people who are on the hunt for 'Prada' handbags, 'Gucci' shoes, 'Burbery' tranch coat, and you can get them as low as 40 HK$(20rm), given that you know how to bargain. I bought my Adidas skate gear and shoes for just 50HK$ (25rm). Cool aite? I talked with one of the promoters there and they told me that most of the goods sold there are made by workers working at the factories where they will bring home the leftover materials and make their own fashion line in their homes.

Even the original goods there are cheap. I bought the original Giardano casual long sleeve shirts, Bossini's sweat shirt and sweater, and Espirit's shirts with a total expenditure of just 400 HK$ (200rm). Man, this is the only time when i really enjoy shopping.

Of coursse, the grand finale would be Hong Kong's Disneyland. Though it is not as huge as Tokyo's, but it was ok.. i guess. But, as i said before in my previous blog, the magic is still the same. All those Disney magics come to life; a place where you can do anything and you could forget all your worries. The 'Let it Snow' parade was a blast, and i had a fantastic time dancing with the other tourist during the parade. I just forget the things around me, find someone to dance wth, and shake that booty. The 'Circle of Life' was also superb, relieving the time when i grow up with the Lion King, and of course, the fireworks which i didn't have the chance to see when i was in tokyo. Simply in words, it is just beautiful and tears-shedding.

But one thing that could not go unnotice is the friendship which blossomed between the people in our group. My dearest little sister and brother, Alysia and Adam (hopefully we could meet again 'sumwhere far' =)), uncle Azly, Intan and Fafa, Shahmi and Tina and the other wonderful people; these are the people who have been my best friends and family during the 7 day trip. And of course, Look and Samantha from St Andrews IB school who have been a great travelling buddy.

Overall, it was those moments which are worthy to be labelled 'the best times of my life' and i hope that i could visit this lovely place again. Next stop; Beijing? Paris? Egypt?.. Inshallah.

'So close yet so far'

Sitting outside under the heavens with my laptop as my trusty companion, I took awhile to listen to Jon McLaughlin's 'So Close' which was, to me, a completely lovely and beautiful soundtrack of Disney's Enchanted. It might be that i'm Patrick Demsey's 'Dr McDreamy' fan, or it might be the feeling that you have after watching Disney's motion picture, but i for one, must say, that it is the message of the movie itself that brings out the magic there is in every living soul; happy ending does exist and miracles do happen. (To anyone who haven't watch this movie, ull be happy to know that it is worth my 2-thumbs up...make it 3). Frankly speaking, since March this year, i've been experiencing so many things, and i end up pisting myself at the whole world. It came to a point that i've almost become a heartless person who don't give a fuck about people and the world. I cracked, i became selfish, i put the blame on myself till an extent that i feel much more lower than crap. It felt that the whole world was against me and i was all alone. It felt that you don't have tanywhere to go. But as i started doing my IB, getting through the most emotional ramadhan i had in my life, meeting people at every walks of life, and of course being back together with the person i care and love the most, it opened my eyes and made me realize that there might be hope for a 'happy ending' at all. Witnessing real life 'Lion King's Festival of Life' and the trip to Hong Kong's Disneyland, and watching Disney's 'Enchanted', it just made me realize that miracles, true love and happy endings are not just mere fantasies in fairy tales, but they all do exist; an it exist in us. What left to do is just one thing, and that is believing. As we are progressively living in a world where stress is a common sight and suffering has become a norm of life, we tend to forget the very little things in life that mean the most to us, we forget that true love triumph despite any species of odds, we forget all those fairy tales we grow up with which tells us that there will always be a happy ending in everything. Sometimes i wonder, why do parents costantly pushing their children to grow up so soon while there is a fantasy cultivated in them which if abide by it, we could make the world a better place?
I grow up with so many Disney movies; ranging from Lion King, Toy Story, Little Mermaid, Hercules, and so many more, and must i say, it permanently carved in me all the values which mould me into who i am today. The soundtracks is as monumetal as the movie itself, superbly orchestrated which could sip into your deepest and coldest corner of your heart and soften it up like winter in December. I have been to 2 Disneylands; Hong Kong and Tokyo, and to be frank with you, when u stepped into these magical places, it felt as if you are in a whole new world, a world without bloodshed and suffering, a world where fantasy and reality come together. And there will be times in there where you would lose your breathe and the last thing you kow, you'll be crying tears of joy. And once you see all those fireworks dancing among the stars above the magic castle, you'll just know that magic does exist, dreams come true, and there is a happy ending in everything. Take it from me, i fell, i stood up, and i believe in my happy ending. I might not be there yet, but at least in every step i take, ill always know that i have someone who will always be there for me, and there will always be that very magic which accompanies me in my journey. Miracles does happen and i believe!

To my dearest... So far yet so close..655

The legacy of hopes

Sometimes, I doubt the capabilities of human beings withstanding the full thrust of agony and suffering. We seemed so fragile; at any given moment we could crack under the immense pressure of world’s unforgiving nature and eventually break into million pieces. Before this, I felt my world crumbling down on me, with a lot of unexpected things knocking on my door and lot od due dates and datelines to be met. But, this particular place called PERNIM in Cheras Baru has opened my eyes to the reality of life, and how my problems are just bubbles compared to the sea of anguish and torment the children there are swimming in. This place houses abandoned children who their bodies are ravaged by the HIV virus, with no parents to go to, and ever thirsty for love and care. We spent 3 days there, playing with them, put them to sleep, teaching them a few lessons on life, and giving them the love and hope that they deserve and should have. Honestly at first, we felt quite anxious due to the reality that we are handling children who have the virus that there is still no cure for and the only barrier between us and the virus is just our skin. But, when we arrived there, every single negative perception that mingles in our heads receded. We were greeted with joyous laughs and smiles by the children there and judging from their appearances, we just could not apprehend the fact that this sweet, demure, innocent children are HIV positive. We wonder, what did they do to deserve this kind of punishment? Why life seems so unfair? The ‘Mama’ over there just explain briefly the background of the home and the history of the children who live there. If you could spend time with them, you’ll find out that these children are utterly independent and friendly, especially the babies there. They could sleep in your arms even you just have been there for 1 day. After every Maghrib solats, we would have a chat with them, trying to know them much better. A child there said, in his own words that his dad died and his mom would bring ‘new dads’ every night to his home. And there’s another child, she’s blind, her flesh was once ravaged by flesh-eating germs, she has a foot smaller than the another, and the only things she could say are her name, her age, and the Arabic characters. She was found abandoned, with dirt all over her body and left alone. Are we worse than animals? Even animals have more compassion than us if this is how we act. Those 3 days with them have created a strong family-like bond between us and the children and it was just heart-braking to just say goodbye to them. Those small kisses and gentle hugs I got from all of these children will indeed be the one of the most memorable experience in my life. Living in a picture perfect family, the only place where I could find this kind of stories before this visit was just in television dramas. But now, I have seen the dark side of life which I didn’t realize its existence before. One thing which marvels me the most is how these children could move on with their lives, after going through immense pain and hardships and still being able to carve the biggest smile on their faces? They, to me, are living and walking legacies of the human spirit and how believing in hopes and dreams could bring you out of life’s greatest challenges. Some of them want to be doctors, pilots, and soldiers and even though their future appeared dim, but ironically, this is the place where hopes shine the brightest. I have faith, no doubt, that these children have the capabilities and the strength to achieve where no man has achieved before. And in the end of the day, I realized that these children have made me understand that life is not all about receiving, but its more on giving, may it be hope, love, or anything else. And, indeed, even though hopes and dreams seemed irreversibly destroyed, they are actually not. We just need to keep on believing, and have a little more faith.

The certain and uncertain

I chatted with Iman KA last night, and we end up talking about life and the uncertainty of it. (Don’t worry Iman, I wont go into details. Your secret’s safe with me ;)). There are so many things in life that we want to achieve, but the road is never straight, and the path will never be clear. She indicated to me that, generally, in life, we tend to find any signs of hope or certainty that will somehow give a sense of comfort to us all. Even I had this kind of desire too; always wanted something concrete and firm to hold on to, just to tell me that everything will be ok. But life doesn’t work like that. My Mak Long and mama once told me that life is never certain. It’s always a gamble, and we can never predict what will become of us in the future. (Even those ‘bomoh’ or ‘tok pawang’ couldn’t be certain of what they see of the future). I was always desperately wanting for this so called ‘certainty’, but my mom made me realize that certainty is one of the things that life could not offer. It takes me awhile to digest what she said, and eventually, I accepted the idea, though I still need those ‘signs of hope’. Yeah, what my Mak Long and mama told me was totally true; there will always be risk in taking life’s decisions, and the outcome may not turn out to be the way you want to but they told me that if even that’s the case, if you took it because its your passion and love, you will never regret it. There’s no way to escape risk, and it’s one component of life that we need to face in every aspect of life, but make the best of it by evaluating thoroughly and take the least risky one. Always take the calculated risk, just to be prepared for the ‘uncertain’.Like they say, if you can beat them, join them.
With life, comes uncertainty. With uncertainty comes risk, and with risk comes hope. So, in the midst of this ‘uncertainty’, no matter how blur or windy the road is, look inside you and ask yourself ‘what do you really want?’. If that’s your dream, take a while to think about it, stick to your plan and go for it. Everthing you ever desired and wanted is actually in front of you actually, and what you need to do is take the leap of faith. Just have faith, because to me, believing and putting the end in mind, will somehow make the windows of your future more cleaner and clearer. And always remember, no matter how difficult it is, no matter how windy the road is, and no matter how ‘uncertain’ your dreams are, nothing on this world is impossible, and just have faith and work your heart off for it. And Inshallah, ‘uncertain’ will become ‘more certain’ with every step you take. Have faith!

Memories

I dedicate this to my lovely dearest and baby Zach. Happy birthday dear!

To some, memories are just events that took place in our lives that they can just forget about them and put the past as past. To another, memories take vivid pride where they reside the most, the heart. In this world, this ‘memory’ we depend on so much, contains various meanings, due to the cultural boundaries and the influence of the environment. Let me share with you my perspective and how I perceived memories. Memories come in various packages, depending on how meaningful they are to an individual. They can become so powerful, that it would have a profound effect on the human emotions. You might experience where you sit alone, reminiscing the past, and somehow, in a weird way, you laughed your throat out, or you suddenly cried and your eyes get puffy and red. That’s how powerful memories are; they can changed lives. You see, some might say that life-altering events, could, well.. alter lives I guess. But actually, this life-changing events could do so little unless they are kept in our hearts and you let them stayed there. That’s memories. Be it the lost of loved ones, your graduation, your wedding day, and the list goes down, the memories of this events will eventually transform you to another person, maybe for the better or the worst, depending on how you take it. I lost my baby brother once, and to tell you the truth, I was shattered and I have no where else to go. I still remember vividly, where I was waiting for my aunty to pick me up in the rain, and I prayed to the all Mighty that I hope that He would bring my brother back to life. But what is done is done. But with the loving memories of baby Zach, I have succeeded where a few has achieved, and that’s only the beginning and the visible, and trust me, as long as I hold on to his memories, I’ll achieve more, that the mortal mind can imagine.
And based on experience, memories can get even more meaningful when you have others in the picture. There’s nothing more beautiful than falling and rising with the people you care and love. Be it your friends, or your loved ones, or your family, to endure life with them will permanently stay in you forever. I don’t know how to explain this, but every laughs, tears, conflict, comfort that we share together has magic in them, and with them come life’s miracle. Let’s just put it this way; human bonds make memories even beautiful.
So, what I can say here is cherish all the moments that you have and share with others. When there’s a change of tide, they will comfort you in times when you needed comfort the most. Never put aside those memories, but embrace it and enjoy every second of it.